Fights

You know...I really hate fighting with my boyfriend.
It's just bad, he snaps and I slightly snap and it just turns ugly.

Last night we had a fight.

I'm the type of person who deals with reality by myself with my own free will.
My boyfriend can't just sit there and deal with reality.
He smokes to deal with his stress and reality.
I'm also the type of person who doesn't need alcohol or anything at all revolved around me so I told him that he can't smoke because I just don't want it around me.

It's not like smoking turns people into an angry person or anything like that like alcohol does but it still gets me iffy.

To me, smoking would be a way to get out of reality, to escape.
And the fact that he's trying to say that it gets rid of stress makes me think that he can't do it without smoking. He's pretty much relying on this substance to help him control this natural human emotion.

Alright, mother fucker.
I work all fucking day. Even though I mostly sit down, I travel 2 hours everyday to and from work so I can support us.
I pay for all of the bills.
He has no job.
I go to school, almost a full time student.

I get up to work at 4 or 5 am, take 20-30 min to get ready, drive to the train station, take the train to work, sit at work for 8 hours, walk to the train, sit on the train for another hour, go home, eat, go to school for another 3 hours, go home, shower, and it's right back to sleep I go because by the time I'm done with working and school, it's about 8 or 9.

My weekend consists of homework. Because I'm too busy in the week to do it. Sometimes I do it on the train but I always end up falling asleep.

My boyfriend doesn't have a job. He's complaining about stress because he's stressed over the fact that he doesn't have a job and that he can't support me.

I don't ask him to support me, but with this much shit on my plate, you'd think I'd be the one smoking.
What the hell stresses him out so much that he needs to smoke? He sits at home all day long playing video games.
I mean yeah, he cleans and cooks....sometimes. He does laundry when needed but otherwise he stays at home and relaxes. It gets lonely sometimes, I'll admit that and gets boring but most of the time he sleeps the day away. And then I come rushing home so I can spend time with him because he complains about being alone all the time.

This mother fucker has his life good.

And now he wants to stress me out even more by complaining about him not being able to smoke. I told him that he could do it once when he's with family after like a year of no smoking whatsoever and now he's trying to make it to 2 times and sometimes here, where we live.

Ok asshole. You don't pay for bills. You barely even pay for food. You barely pay for the increasing prices of gas. Now he wants to spend half of his money on smoking. The money that barely comes.

After crying my ass off for like an hour, I finally get up and leave the houe. I like time alone to think about things by myself and to calm down.

I tell him that once a month, I'll go to my mom's and stay there for a weekend and on that weekend when I'm away, he can smoke.

So he agrees. Now he's up my ass trying to get me to agree to him smoking twice.

Mother fucker, I'm letting you smoke for like 3-4 days a month, all day long on those days and letting him smoke when he sees his family.

He's mentioning me breaking up with him because of it. I told him when we first went out that I don't smoke or drink and that I don't want it around me and to break  up with me if that's a problem. He says he wants to stay with me and now look at where we're at. Maybe I should go for two weekends because right now, I'm fucking angry and irritated.

When I finally reach a compromise, he wants more. He's like a fucking kid.
I buy him clothes and shoes and when he gets money, he wants more.

I'm already more closer to not caring about breaking up with him because of the few times he drank. He drank and caused a whole load of problems. Not because I was bitching him out but because he likes to accuse me of being a fucking whore and shit.

And again, mother fucker, you took away my virginity. How the fuck am I a whore when I saved that shit until I turned 19. Girls nowadays are whoring themselves right when they turn 13.

I'm just so pissed.